Dear James
by Yvonne Park
Summary: James began to walk away, but then a small square of paper fluttered to the ground out of the pages of the book. His curiosity won out over his reasoning and he reached down and gently picked up the little paper. - A Marauders Era story. James/Lily


08/14/77

Dear James,

I don't know how to say it, but it's something that has been growing in me since fourth year. I like you James. I know you think I hate you, but I really don't. Since everyone has seen me yell at you for almost seven years, I just always seem to do what is expected of me. I yell at you, and in those moments I can almost convince myself that I really don't like you. But afterwards, when I am sitting up in my dormitory by myself, I can still see your playful smile and your warm hazel eyes staring down at me.

Last year when that big black dog ran past me when I was walking by the lake, and surprised me so much I almost fell in, you came out of nowhere to catch me. You only held me in your arms for a moment, but I felt so protected, like nothing in the world could ever hurt me. All too soon for my liking you let me go, and apologized for grabbing me. I was too stunned to respond, so I just walked away.

Do you have any idea what you are doing to me? You are tearing me apart. My brain keeps saying no, but my heart won't listen. I've seen the good things you've been doing. Helping the first and second years with their homework, stopping those Slytherin's from teasing Mary; you are more wonderful than I ever imagined.

I wish you knew how I felt, but I don't think it's something that I can simply say. I don't know why I'm a Gryffindor. I don't even have enough courage to tell you I like you. But in this letter, that you will never read, I can shout it to the world. I like James Potter! Every time I see him my heart flutters like a bird, and the world feels so much warmer. He has captured my heart, and I will never be free; though now I don't want to be free. I want to be with him forever.

I wish you knew.

With all my heart,

Lily

Lily sighed as she set down her favorite pen. The blue ink that swirled across the page seemed to glow in the dim light of her bedroom, mocking her aching heart. She wanted to crumple up that letter and throw it out the window. But instead she carefully folded it up and placed it safely in her diary. Content that no one would ever know her secret, she climbed into bed, determined to forget it all.

oOo

The day was fairly warm as Lily sat under her favorite beech tree by the edge of the black lake. A hint of autumn was threatening in the light breeze, but the summer sun still shone brightly in the sky. There were people everywhere enjoying the Sunday warmth while they still could. The entire contents of her bag was strewn across the ground around her, book after book discarded as she wrestled with her schoolwork. Even still, it was a peaceful day. Or so she thought.

"Lily! LILY!"

Lily turned and saw Alice running towards her, a troubled look on her face.

"Lily, I need your help!" Alice panted as she came to a halt before her.

"What's wrong?" Lily asked, throwing her roll of parchment to the side as she stood.

"Mary has locked herself in the bathroom and refuses to come out, " Alice said, still looking worried, "I can hear her sobbing her heart out in there, but she won't tell me what happened. But as I was running to get you, I saw Mulciber and Avery laughing about something."

"Oh, no!" Lily whispered, her eyes wide. She began gathering her books and shoving them into her bag, not really paying attention to what she was grabbing or how her papers were getting crumpled. "Come on, we better hurry!" Lily and Alice ran up to the castle as fast as they could, the sunny day completely forgotten, at least for them.

oOo

A large black dog jumped happily along the edge of the lake, his pink tongue lolling out to the side in what almost seemed to be a smile. A faint squeaking was heard from the grass around his paws, and suddenly a small brown something flew into the air and landed with a little thump on the dogs back. The dog continued jumping around, and somehow the rat was able to stay on his back, excitement lighting both of their eyes.

"Will they ever grow up?" Remus asked, smiling at his friends antics.

"I doubt it," James laughed as he and Remus arrived under their favorite beech tree by the edge of the lake. They both sat down in the shade before looking back at their friends. James whistled and patted his leg with an amused expression, "Here boy! Come here!"

The black dog came tearing at them, the little rat flying off his back in his enthusiasm. He tackled James when he reached him, pushing him flat on his back, and began licking his face.

"EW! Get off me! That is just disgusting Padfoot!" James laughed, shoving the dog off of him. The dog barked as if laughing with him, and then looked around him.

"The coast is clear Padfoot," Remus said, still laughing.

Suddenly, where the dog sat a moment before, there stood a very handsome young man. He had a huge smile on his face and was laughing a laugh that almost sounded like a bark. "The look on your face is always the best part," Sirius laughed, watching James wipe the slobber from his face.

"I hate when you do that," James tried to pout, but he couldn't get the smile off his face. He stretched out on the ground and put his hands behind his head, "Have any of you ever wondered why our clothes transform with us when we go into our animagus forms?" he asked as Peter walked up to them, having just transformed as soon as he got close enough.

"What do you mean?" Sirius yawned as he lay down beside James.

"Well I can understand our bodies transforming, but it's not like our animal forms are wearing clothes, and yet we just transform back with our clothes. No matter what we are wearing," James scratched his head, "I don't know, it just seems weird."

"I've thought about that before," Peter said, sitting down by them, "But then my brain started hurting, so I gave up."

"You guys are weird," Sirius laughed at his friends, "I just don't worry about things like that."

"Well he does present an interesting conundrum," Remus began, looking interested, until he was met by three groans and even a shoe thrown at him.

"Don't bog down my precious Sunday with your big words Moony," Sirius said as he retrieved his shoe. Remus, being the mature gentleman he was, stuck his tongue out at him.

Sirius sat down against the tree again, but then turned and looked down behind him.

"Someone left a book out here," he said to his friends, picking up the little red book that was lying on the ground. Soon he gasped and stared at the book like it was about to burst into flame. His friends grouped around him to see what he was looking at.

Stamped in gold across the leather cover were the words: THIS BOOK IS PROPERTY OF LILY EVANS, IN THE HOPES THAT DEATH MAY FIND YOU QUICKLY SHOULD YOU READ IT. And on the spine, in a much smaller size than the words on the cover, it said: Diary.

James felt a shiver go down his spine and had a strange urge to grab his invisibility cloak when he read the words about death, but he still wanted to read this book more than any book he had ever read in his life.

"I bet she's put a charm on it to prevent anyone from reading it," Remus whispered, gesturing to the words on the cover, "I highly doubt it will kill you, but I'm sure it will probably be really painful."

James pulled the book out of Sirius' hands and held it gently. "We should probably give it back to her."

The other three nodded as James began to walk away, but then a small square of paper fluttered to the ground out of the pages of the book. James' curiosity won out over his reasoning and he reached down and gently picked up the little paper. Unfolding it as carefully as he could, he began to read the elegant handwriting. A look of shock stole over his features, and before any of his friends knew what was going on, James tore up to the castle as fast as he could.

oOo

"It's not so bad Mary," Lily said, trying to sound reassuring as she rubbed soothing circles on Mary's back, "It will all be gone by morning."

"You think so?" Mary hiccuped as her sobs subsided a little. She had been through quite the horrible afternoon. Her hair was an ugly moldy green color; her face was covered in little red dots that looked like chicken pox; and across her forehead black letters spelled the word _Loser_.

"I know so," Lily smiled at her, "These spells aren't very strong. Looking at this spellwork I'm surprised Mulciber and Avery can even write their own names. A flobberworm could have done worse. Hm…" Lily paused, looking thoughtful, "I would love to turn them into flobberworms. But no, I think that would be too much of an improvement to their looks. They might actually get girlfriends then!"

Mary began laughing, and that got Lily laughing too. Soon they were both holding onto each other trying not to fall off the bed they were sitting on.

"How about I go grab us some dinner from the kitchens," Lily gasped between laughs.

"Sounds good," Mary giggled, "Thanks Lily. You're a great friend."

"No problem," Lily smiled, and gave Mary a hug before heading toward the door. She had only made it around the corner of the stairs when she came face to face with James Potter, heaving and gasping for breath as he stared up at her.

"Potter, what are you-" then Lily noticed the little red book in his left hand, and a crumpled paper in his right, and she could feel all the color drain from her face. Her legs felt shaky, and she couldn't seem to breathe properly.

"Lily!" James gasped.

"How did you get my book? Where did you get my book!" Lily whispered, more terrified than she had ever been.

"We found it under that big beech tree by the lake," James explained, then quickly added, "Don't worry. None of us read it. I was bringing it to you when this paper fell out," he waved the letter, "And I'm sorry, I couldn't help but read it."

"No, no, no," Lily whispered, her legs gave out under her and she sat down on the stairs, holding her head in her hands.

"Lily, why didn't you tell me?" James asked, coming towards her with a small smile on his face.

"You weren't supposed to read that," Lily whispered, shaking her head.

"I figured as much," James chuckled softly. He came and sat down next to her on the stairs and placed the little book in her hand. After gently folding the precious note, he held it out to her. "Did you really mean what you wrote?"

Lily nodded weakly, feeling utterly exposed. She couldn't look at him, not now, not with him so close, not with him knowing her secret. Suddenly she felt a warm arm around her shoulders.

"You should have told me," James said softly. He reached his free hand and lifted her face up to look at him, "I've loved you for ages. I wish you would have told me before. It probably would have saved a lot of heartache on both sides."

"I'm a coward," Lily whispered. James was about to object, but Lily placed her hand on top of his to silence him. "I was too scared of what might change if I told you. How I might change."

"Lily, everyone goes through change in their lives," James responded, squeezing her hand, "Sure, sometimes things change in ways we don't want or like, but most of the change is good. It's because we're learning and growing. Without change we would never progress. Do you want to be stuck in one moment forever?"

"I could think of a few moments I wouldn't mind being stuck in," Lily mumbled, though a small smile was pulling at her lips.

"Yeah, me too," James chuckled, "But I want to live my life to the fullest. I want to get a job, have kids, grow old. Do you think I could do any of that without changing at all?"

Lily shook her head. "I know. I really am a coward. I've held myself in one moment for a long time, trying to convince myself that it was better than changing."

"Are you willing to make a change now?" James whispered, staring into those emerald eyes he'd fallen in love with so long ago.

"I think I am," she said, finally giving him a full smile.

James looked like Christmas had come early. He leaned forward just a little, and suddenly Lily's arms were around his neck, pulling him toward her. Their lips met in the kiss they had both been so desperate for, for so long.

"Hey Lily, how is Mary –"

"Woot!"

James and Lily broke apart at the noise and looked down at the base of the stairs. Alice was standing there looking dumbstruck, and behind her Remus had a matching look of surprise. Sirius stood next to Remus with a look of pure glee; he was the one who had shouted. Peter was standing on Sirius' other side, looking nervous but excited.

"Um…"Lily started, at a loss for words.

"Hey guys!" James greeted cheerfully. He wrapped his arm around Lily's waist, "Lily and I are together now!"

_I guess things are changing, _Lily thought as her and James' friends converged to congratulate them. Some of them were still looking a little shocked, Lily didn't blame them, she was shocked too. But there were a lot of knowing smiles there too. Guess she didn't hide it as well as she thought she had. _But I'm ready to face it. I'm ready to move forward. This change will be for the better. And now I'm not afraid to change if he will be there to change with me._

The End

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><p><strong>Hi there guys! The idea for this story came to me while I was bored at work, and I just had to write it. Don't worry! I haven't stopped writing Hearts Knit Together! I'll have a new chapter out soon now that my computer is fixed! <strong>

**Please comment on what you like or dislike! It really helps me write better and faster! Thanks! :)**

**-Yvonne**


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